.:everytime i close my eyes, i tremble with fear:.

Saturday, June 7
im so very damn farken tired. and yet im goin swimming wif mah family today. maybe i hadnt had enuff of those activities during the past week. i can juz hear my bones cracking. didnt get to go HRC last nite coz the gath was held at my place. didnt get to go mad monks either coz i had a bbq pit. argh....maybe goin HRC next week wif mah cousin. i received a wedding invitation card. Aziah's getting married to Yo's(my ex bf) cousin, Shehdie. i still remember the day when aziah and shehdie first met. it was funny, alright. i juz smiled when i read the card. ive known aziah fer the past 3 yrs or so. she's my ex skoolmate in secondary skool. she was the first one who introduced me to clubbing life. Fire was my first. and it went up to RumRunners, Zappas....then the now Hendrix. den HRC came into the picture. it was fun. it still is now. Shehdie is a gd guy....but he was influenced by his cousin in drug taking. Luckily shehdie never did get caught unlike my stupid ex bf. but hey, everyone makes mistakes. i loved him when i was wif Yo. but enuff is enuff.

i am planning to visit elliana on July. and she's very excited abt it. Baby, at last i got to see u....i love you! Anyways, ive already decided wat to do wif mah life. goin to enrol to Monash College and take the Faculty of Art and Design. not dat i wanna go to the same skool as my Baby is but the summer skool is kinda cool. 4000 bux fer six wks. i hafnt discuss it wif mah dad yet but maybe he'll fulfill my wish. At last, i made up my mind on studying overseas. my mum used to force me but now, im willing....

Wednesday, June 4

What Pattern Are You?

Are you Addicted to the Internet?


L33T H@x0r (81% - 100%)
You live and breathe the Internet. You rarely leave your computer(s) for fear of going through withdrawl. You are beginning to say "lol" and "brb" in verbal conversations and you haven't seen your friends face-to-face in months if you don't count their web cams. Maybe it is time to back away from the computer slowly and go get some fresh air? The Internet will be here when you get back!

The Are you Addicted to the Internet? Quiz at Stvlive.com!

discover what candy you are @ stvlive.com

find your inner PIE @ stvlive.com

discover your inner candy heart @ stvlive.com

Tuesday, June 3
Death, the second of The Endless, you are responsible for ending all lives and taking them to your realm, from which no one ever returns. You are bright, positive, happy, optimistic%2
Death, the second of The Endless, you are
responsible for ending all lives and taking
them to your realm, from which no one ever
returns. You are bright, positive, happy,
optimistic and enjoy everything about life, but
that does not mean your silly or stupid. You
can lay the smack down when you have to!
Everyone loves you, and they don't know why.

Which Endless are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

You are the Figher Femme

Which Ultimate Beautiful Woman are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
2nd June 2003

Came over to Yati's place to chack things out. Baby opened the door, telling me Yati's not in. She went out wif Lan. I left my number and wanted to leave but didi held me back. We chatted fer awhile and at about 2pm Yati came back wif Lan. I was pissed. I dun farken noe wat her motive was. i didnt even made an effort to talk to her. i stared at her the whole time i was there. the last resort, i made didi follow me buy cigarettes. didi told me not to think the unwanted but im already pissed abt it. tell me dat u were drunk when u told me all those sweet nothings? I HATE YOU already. Im not going to be the stupid fool dat i was before. fuck it. u can hate me for all i care coz i noe ure using me. thanks but no thanks. i feel like cutting my skin where the spot of ur lovebite is. Mother Fucker! Im gonna get u fer this and im fer real. B-I-A-T-C-H!
1st June 2003

I cant get over the fact dat yati came to me for help. its not dat i dun wanna but im juz afarid dat she'll decvieve me. Not dat she ever did dat to me but i can juz feel it coming over me so great dat i dun even trust myself. i do still luv her but this is too much. i dun think i cud handle it. Somehow i feel bad if i dun help her. i dun noe whether im confusedor making things complicated fer myself. i cant even provide leisure fer myself, how am i suppose to take care of a 2-mth pregnant woman? God, pls help me. im really scared rite now to the point of suicidal. i promised yati i wud not treat her like trash but this is too much. i still luv her but, Baby...I cant ferget abt Baby...
20 May 2003

I feel like im losing my grip on life day by day. I don't know how to react to all the things that haf been happening. All i noe that i still haf Baby in my heart. No matter what , i noe wat im doing and i wanna get it. watever it is dat i wanna get. Let them do wat they wanna do to me. Actually, i dun gif a damn to wat they say. I'm living my life as it is and nobody's gonna stop me. Eventho my future is ruined by her, i wun let my life be down juz becoz of one luv dat ive cherished all my life. Baby, eventho u tell me to live my own life, i will always love u. Always have been and will always do...





.:tHe PasT:.

the world is mine now, to hell with you...

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Lil Kim feat. 50 Cent - Magic Stick


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